How wonderful! An experience with our blog has led me to discuss conflict. Conflict has such negative connotations in our American Culture that people go well out of their ways in order to avoid it. Neuroses are formed around the fear of conflict. And people, incorrectly assume that students of peace want to completely do away with conflict in all its forms. Not so!
Peace theorists do not believe that conflict is bad. Conflict gives us the opportunity to stretch and grow. Conflict allows us to test our ideas and remove the proverbial wheat from the proverbial chaff. Rather, it is how we respond to conflict that can be the problem. There are two main choices when it comes to conflict response; to escalate or transform. Each is a choice we make when we come in contact with conflict.
Escalation of the conflict is a dangerous—but all too common—choice taken by people. Here, we see emotions winning over. We see the Other as the Enemy rather than Teacher. We see the ultimate goal as the extermination of the other options. Each step into the escalation process makes it even more difficult to step out of the conflict. Often, during the escalation process, violent actions and language gets used. Sometimes, when the conflict gets bigger than the people involved, it is necessary to bring in a (semi)neutral third party to help mediate. A skilled mediator will help the parties involved navigate around the emotions that have been tied up in the conflict.
Conflict Transformation is another tactic one can use. Sometimes, it takes the use of a mediator such as before, or sometimes it takes the skillful use of non-violent communication. After recognizing that one has entered a conflict, a member can attempt to take a step back and use it as a learning experience. Recognizing that not all conflicts can be resolved, efforts to transform the conflict from a violent one to an educational one can allow the escalation process to slow down and move in a different direction.
Conflict Transformation is not always easy. The cultural violence of our world honors escalation over transformation. To back down can be seen as weak. But to recognize the growing points that each party shares is a great way to change the course of the conflict. But please remember, the best way to change the conflict is to actually address the conflict at hand. I would like to thank EB and CC for their wonderful example of conflict. And hopefully we can learn from their experience. With their actions, let us remember the quote by American Psychoanalyst M. Esther Harding, “Conflict is the beginning of consciousness.”
